Lose your virginity?
Sex has always been a strange topic. It seems everybody wants to talk about it, it seems everybody has got questions, but is also seems there are not too many answers available.
In addition, when talking about sex everyone has a different point of view. Your parents will strive to keep you virgin as much as they can (and this includes overprotecting you); priests and other religious members will relate your sexuality with a role God has given you as one of His creatures; urologists and gynaecologists will say that sex is a normal activity between a humans; and, for psychologists, your sexuality will be a way to develop some new things and also to express others. Not to mention your friends will say a variety of things, your own body also seems to like the idea of giving your orders... and wishes.
Yes, we know talking about sex can get confusing. That's why we opted for asking a variety of people about sex and give you a summary of their responses.
Let's talk about sex
One of the most common ideas about sex is that it is a wonderful, pleasurable and relaxing moment between a man and a woman. The truth is that yes, sex can be those three things and many more, but —this is very important— having sex does not mean that you will have pleasure automatically. Sex requires a lot of communication between you and your partner to become the nice experience everybody talks about. Sex needs a lot of trust. Despite what you see in the cinema, sex without love, emotional bond or connection can be very disappointing and make you feel very empty. Moreover, it can really make you feel bad, knowing you have just hurt another person.
Why? Because despite appearances (your friends saying sex is great if you just let yourself go and live the moment, for example), after sex you may find yourself naked in a bed, next to someone for who you might not feel nothing... very used and very stupid. This sensation is usually felt by both men and women.
Changing topic, does sex hurt the first time? Basically, it can hurt... for women. Girls are born with an hymen, a small tissue in front of their vaginas. The first penetration will break the girl's hymen or, in a few cases, just expand it (elastic hymen). This can be a little painful for her. You can compare the pain caused with what you would feel with a strong nip down there. For men, sex usually does not hurt at all, but in some cases there can be a little pain, too. Again, communication will be very important.
How much does it last? For those who have seen a pornographic film, sex lasts between 30 and 40 minutes, she enjoys when he ejaculates his semen in her face and she will scream of pleasure if he penetrates her anus instead of her vulva. These three ideas are absolutely false. Although most people don't use a chronometer when they are having intercourse, the normal coitus lasts between 3 and 10 minutes. The more the better? mm... Usually, but not necessarily. That will depend on both of you. Anyway, if you want to learn ways to last longer, you can talk with an urologist about it.
Sexual variety? Handcuffs? Fudge? Exploring both positions and fantasies can be a nice way to have fun together, they can be part of the normal sexual relation, but they are decidedly not the main thing people think about when having intercourse. During it, both man and woman commit themselves and give in themselves to one another, to enhance the bond of love between them and (why not?) "summon" a planned baby. Most teenagers don't see things this way when they are thinking about having sex. That's why, as many people told us, it is very advisable to wait a little so that you can have sex in a more real manner with your partner.
Now let's talk about you
What many people don't seem to discuss about when talking about sex is how it affects you. Here is a summary of the more remarkable things to think about.
Having sex will make you more conscious about your body. You will be able to understand when you are only physically aroused and when not, and you can also start feeling having sex as a need, as you already know the experience. Virgin people don't have these sensations, so, although they can be very curious and feel very aroused, they live in a more calmed way.
Sex can become an addiction. One of our responders told us that his beautiful relationship with his girlfriend was destroyed because of sex. When it started, it continued up to a point in which their sex drive was only stopped when she was not in the mood because she was in her period. Soon the relationship started to deteriorate. They didn't go out together, they didn't talk about their stuff. The relationship finished a few months after, and now they don't talk to each other.
Sex will also give you a point to compare. The ideal is this: You should not be able to tell if your parter is good or bad in bed, just to enjoy him or her. Disgracefully, previous sexual experiences can make you a lot more objective than that, and there have been a number of relationships who finished just because of a bad sexual connection. A woman mentioned that sex would weigh up to 50% when making up her mind to get married or not! There are many things as important as sex to make such a decision, don't you think? Every bad sexual connection can be corrected talking it over, so don't worry.
Sex will expose you to infections, diseases and unwanted pregnancy. Yes, we both know you already know this, so these are just reminders: HIV is not detectable until after seven or thirteen months of having acquired it, many STDs do not have a cure and having a baby is a huge responsibility... sex too.
The main one: Traditionally, sex has been reserved for marriage because men and women are supposed to procreate children within a family. But there was another reason underneath: Within marriage, people make a promise of mutual assistance, love and care between one another which helps spouses give in themselves completely when having intercourse, something that doesn't happen between singles. Single people can't give in themselves completely. They can't help thinking on the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy or what will happen if your current partner and you just break up... the next day, week, year or month. To make matters worse, you can get used to having sex without giving yourself completely in each relationship. That's sad.
Taking all of the above into account, our advice is very simple. Wait as much as you can to start your sexual life. Ask yourself why you want to do it, for a start: Is it because you want to do it? Is it because you are curious? Is it because you have been more than a year with that person and you think you have the right to have sex with him or her? Why is it? Believe it or not, you might be about to start your sexual life for the wrong reasons.
Last, talk with your parents. These are modern days, they won't blush and run away. Ask what you want to know and let them time to reply. It can be shocking for them, but they are your parents, no one will give you the best advice. If they don't give you a satisfying reply, try here.
"I had sex with my husband before we were married and it was very good. But after we were married it got so much better. Nothing more exciting than having that spiritual, emotional and physical connection and that is the icing on the cake."
You will make the final decision.
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